Letters to you
by NyanJai
Summary: Dean needs to get out how he feels about a certain angel... but he doesn't actually want to tell him


Dean couldn't sleep. He picked his cell phone up and read the time on the read 4am. He put it back and snuggled his head into the pillow trying to get comfortable. Just his luck on one of the nights he actually got to sleep instead of being out hunting, he couldn't sleep. Not that he was surprised, with the amount of angst that was swirling around his mind. In fact he had struggled to sleep since he had gone to meet the faith healer to help Sammy, and came face to face with a memory impaired Castiel. He sighed, remembering the moment, and remembering how he hadn't known whether he wanted to punch the angel in the face or wrap his arms around him in sheer joy that he had found him again.

There was so much he had bottled up inside that he just couldn't unleash. He was the strong one, ever since he had taken Sammy that fateful night, outside away from the fire,the night their mom died. Since then he had been watching his little brothers back and risking his life to keep him safe. He even made a deal that landed him in hell, to bring him back from the dead. Remembering his time in hell just made him think about Cas, and he got a weird feeling in his chest just like every time that subject came up.

His feelings on the angel were complicated. Well complicated was a conservative term, they were full on screwed up. Castiel had noted that he and Dean had "a profound bond" and he wasn't wrong. Anyone else who had done the things Cas had done he would of ganked them. Especially for knocking down the wall that was keeping Sam sane. Dean wasn't sure if Cas COULD be ganked, but he knew that he wouldn't of, even if he could. He had few good memories, but remembering the feel of the angel's hand on his shoulder as he had freed him was definitely vying for favourite.

When his feelings had first started he had thrown himself into picking up random chicks, to prove that he wasn't gay. He just hadn't got the same thrill he used to and was dismayed that he was left actually feeling kind of cheap by these encounters. Turning over he noticed that the sun was starting to come up in the sky, how long had he been laid thinking? A check of his cell told him a hour had passed since he last looked. Resigning that he was never going to get to sleep he went to the bathroom for a drink.

Looking in the mirror, his tired eyes stared back at him. They looked sad too, probably as it had been a few days since he had seen Cas. "Snap out of it, you girl" Dean told himself roughly "how is this crap going to help?" He cast his mind back to the time he had been sent to the guidance counsellor after punching someone who had started on Sam. The woman had been very kind and reassuring and told him if he wanted to talk about what was troubling him he could talk with her. Even at his young age he knew to tell her the family history was asking for trouble and would definitely have people snooping around. Unphased by his silence, the woman had smiled and said if he couldn't say it out loud he could write it down and put it through her door, to help get it off his chest. He had never taken her on this offer but suddenly the idea appealed to him, if he had to keep in all that was eating away at him much longer he would scream.

Rustling around in the few possessions he owns he finds a small battered notebook with a pen stuck through the metal binding. Taking a deep breath he starts to write

_Cas_

_So I'm writing a letter, because I'm too chicken to say this out loud. There have been so many ways I have tried to tell you I love you..._

Not a bad start he thought, chewing the pen. He then listed all the ways he had try to show Cas, including keeping the angels trench coat safe from car to car, even though Sammy had been pulling faces like he was going mad. He stopped when he realised he had written four pages worth. Time to burn, Dean thought. He grabbed his zippo from his pocket, then realised the motel room had a fire alarm. The last thing Dean wanted was attention drawing to him and Sammy. Working out it was the best place to hide it, he shoved the letter in his coat pocket, then headed back to bed. Some of his burden lifted, he drifted off to sleep.

Castiel was bored. He was often bored when The Winchesters were asleep, and little was going on. He had chosen a place on a hill nearby where he could watch the city. Suddenly he had the feeling Dean needed him. He was gone in a second to the room he knew the brothers were staying.

When Cas arrived the lights were out, and both Sam and Dean were fast asleep. Frowning the angel wondered why he had been summoned. He thought about waking Dean but remembered the last time he had done this and decided against it. Waking a hunter had nearly got him pinned to a wall with a large knife. He was ready to leave again when he noticed a small bundle of paper laying on the floor. Picking it up he saw it was in Dean's writing and addressed to him. Beaming, as this was the first letter he had ever received, he decided to take it back to his spot to read. He would thank Dean later.

Dean awoke early, wanting to have destroyed the letter before Sam could start asking questions about what he was burning. However when he got to his pocket he found it empty. Panicking slightly he checked the other pocket and then froze when he saw a large white feather on the floor...

He must of groaned louder than he realised as Sam raised a bleary head. "Sam have you seen a bundle of paper on the floor?" Dean was trying to stay nonchalant while inside he was screaming. Sam shook his head "No, not seen any..important?" "No...no it wasn't really" Dean grinned, falsely. "Good" Sam nodded "I have research to do at the library"

Once Sam left, Dean make a plan of action. He really thought, now the letter had been read, that it was about time he spoke to Cas face to face. When Sam was researching he would be gone for ages, normally also taking the time to find a place to eat that did more than deep fried food covered in cheese. So he would have plenty of time.

"Cas" he said, somewhat quieter than usual. "Um Cas...?" he wondered after the letter if the angel would even show up and was just about to call the angel when he heard "I'm here Dean" spoken directly behind him.

His stomach did a flip, as it usually did when he heard that voice, but the subject he had called him to discuss added to the butterflies he was experiencing. He sat down on his bed and gestured for Castiel to sit down next to him, which he did. Dean turned to face him and tried not to stare back into the deep blue eyes watching him intently. Dean found himself mesmerised. How can eyes be so blue? Were Jimmy Novak's eyes that blue? He couldn't remember looking when Castiel had left his vessel, at Jimmy's eyes, but with the deepness of the colour, he would of bet money that they could of only come from heaven...

"Dean?"

Hearing his name being said brought him straight back down to earth. "Yeah, sorry Cas"

The angel was looking at him curiously and Dean could feel his face going red. He bit his bottom lip. "Is something the matter?"

Taking a deep breath, Dean figured it was better just to get it over and done with. "Iknowyoureadtheletter" he mumbled quickly. Cas tilted his head like a puzzled puppy. "I didn't quite catch that." Closing his eyes, Dean repeated himself. "I said...I know you read the letter...the letter I wrote and left in my pocket" He waited for Castiel's reply but heard nothing. A knot tightened in his stomach. Opening his eyes slowly he expected to see the room empty, but to his suprise and huge relief, Cas was still sat next to him, staring back at him.

A warm feeling washed over him and he felt himself blushing again. Castiel looked into his eyes and smiled. "I have the feeling I wasn't actually meant to read the letter" Dean smiled bashfully and tried to avert Castiels gaze but try as he might he couldn't drag his gaze away. Their faces inched closer and their eyelashes were nearly touching before their lips met. Unlike the kisses Dean was used to, hurried with one night stands this felt more chaste and gentle, yet it left his heart racing and his skin flushed.

For a good while the room was silent, while Dean pondered what all this meant. All the tension that had been knotted in his stomach had loosened and he felt sleepy. Yet sleep would mean four hours less staring at Cas. He grinned to himself when he thought how much of a girl that made him sound. His tiredness was insistent however and he did a huge yawn. Castiel frowned. "You should rest" Dean opened his mouth to protest but the stern look he got into return made him give in

He laid down on his bed and got comfy but he wished he was still able to see Cas. It was almost like his mind had been read when the angel laid down beside him, and put his hand on Dean head. "You need to rest" he said, giving the puppy dog eyes. "Okay, Ok" Dean grinned. "You will stay though won't you?" He tried to keep his voice casual but he was expecting a no. "Of course I will" came the reply.

Shutting his eyes, Dean murmured "My mom always said that angels were watching over me" He grinned with the irony until a soft voice replied "I always did"


End file.
